Food: Apple and Peanut Butter

Why is it that when I search for ~*~healthy breakfast ideas~*~ I can only find recipes including eggs and/or hot oatmeal. I don't want to cook eggs every morning, I hate washing dishes. I really have to psych myself up for hot porridge, in Australia, in the summer (or really, anytime).

Also on the list of things I don't like eating: yoghurt and cereal. Because I have lactose intolerance it's not just gas that comes out of my food hole 10 minutes later. (But the pertinent question is which food hole?)

I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner -- it might be because fat people are just really stupid -- but I've just thought of apples and peanut butter as a solution. It's like you're eating chips and dip, but only none of those things.

For those of you calorie counting at home (poor fuckers), 1 large apple and 2 tbsp of peanut butter has:

313 calories, 35g carbs, 16g fat, 10g protein

It's better than skipping breakfast in a passive aggressive move against the whole institution of breakfast foods for not providing a non-egg/yoghurt/oatmeal breakfast alternative, and being murderously hangry by 11am.

As an aside, I should probably get some pictures up in this joint.

FAQ

HO HUM.

Thought exercise: Troll the Troll

My blog is about talking about exercising, and healthy food, and being fat, but without a focus on weight loss. 
Do you think this will annoy the fuck out of r/fatpeoplehate and others likeminded, because there is literally no reason to hate this blog except that the author is fat and writing for fat people?

BUT YOU'RE PROMOTING OBESITY?
Yes, I sure am. Through exercise and a healthy diet. That sounds like a fast ticket to Hamplanet Town, population: us.

BUT YOU'RE A FAT AND THEREFORE UNHEALTHY
Yes, I bet I am with all this exercise and healthy food and all this fat. Also mental and emotional health is totally a pile of shit and is not included in overall health, as we all know studies have shown repeatedly BIGPHARMA. 

BUT MY TAX DOLLARS
I would like to see these tax dollars because I need some new curtains.

BUT YOU LOOK SO GROSS, MY EYES, MY EYES
Yep, wiggle dat jiggle

Gadgets and Gizmos: Fitocracy

I have this theory that if I can turn sweating on the floor of my loungeroom into a competitive activity, then I'm more likely to want to do it, instead of bemoaning all the reasons I have to do it. Sadly, sweating on the floor is not an organised team sport.

I remembered Fitocracy. 

From what I can tell in the 5 minutes of clicking around, Fitocracy is platform to log your workout and depending on intensity, will grant you a number of points for working out. You compete against friends; first to infinity points wins. I don't know what these points are good for, but I am assured that they are very important. 

This is not my first time on Fitocracy.I had joined back in 2011 in the Great Baby Weight Expungancy with a bunch of online friends. I logged exactly two work outs -- both comprising of a light walk and an insane number of squats -- and then left the thing to die of neglect. 

But I am a different person now. I am four years older. I have mostly a new set of cells. I am way more dedicated than last time. Look, I even have a blog. I will definitely use this properly now; I will log every work out. I mean, its not like I have any active groups to be competitive with, or a buddy to work out with, or any real plan or goals. These are totally parameters for good outcome.

If, for some reason, I have made fitocracy sound like a cool idea, I've made a group that we can all chat and chill out and COMPETE TO THE DEATH in.

Join Fat Assventures on Fitocracy.

Edit: Also I found out there are affliliate links on this thing, so maybe I can get cool stuff if you sign up with my link. Or not. Whatever, your call. Join Fitocracy on this affliliate link!

Sitting on my fat ass, blogging about my fat ass.

So this thing here is a blog about working out when you are fat. There are lots of things that happen when you want to work out but you are fat.

Firstly, push ups really hurt your wrists.

Secondly, some yoga positions are impossible because your belly gets in the way.

Thirdly, work out clothes in size fat are ugly.

Basically, working out when you're fat is like a billion times worse than working out and not being fat. So that is why I made this blog: so I can whinge at the faceless internet about fat people  working out problems.